How are you bridging those gaps between you and everything? I would love to hear about your version… My answer to this question as of late would have to involve sharing about the grueling nature of the last few months. For those of you who are aware that I moved to Maui last December, you might imagine me here sipping on Mai Tai’s and lounging at the beach day after day. Enjoying writing my book between swims?
Well, actually I have not had one Mai Tai and my beach lounging is brief for sure. So, what have I been doing? Believe it or not- I’ve been spending on average 8-10 hours on the computer every day. Crazy! I know! Your probably wondering who took Ajaya and who is this imposter standing in for her? I can say that is similar to how these days have felt for me. The nature of this computer time has been quite annihilating to any previous sense of a self that may have been present. I won’t bore with you with all the details. But essentially in a nut shell- ever since I had the “almost” near death experience here on the Hana Highway back in March (if you are not familiar and you do want to know the juicy details on this- its all in my blog) I have been on-fire with this prayer to live out my deepest fullest destiny. Ready to hold nothing back. Ready to give whatever I have to give. Carpe Diem has taken on new magnitude. Life has taken me to a whole new level of surrender while simultaneously perseverance.
Thus- the computer world initiation! Finally I became willing to learn how to use this thing to reach more of the world. Finally I UN-resisted this thing that I perceived to be a separate entity from the intuitive biologically based energy matrix world that is my native tongue. Finally, I was willing to sit with the computer every day, attempting to learn another completely impossible techno deranging something- feeling like a failure the entire time. Feeling like somehow I must be technologically illiterate; jinxed or otherwise eternally doomed to malfunction everything I touch that’s got gigabytes! Not to mention, moving beyond my resistance and fear that technology has become the new intimacy and the perception that there is a machine world agenda well underway… I am an Earth Steward, nature is my home and I have a love affair with biology- that has been my stand, for God sake!
So to dive deeper into the techno-sphere has been my particular crucible of initiation. Dare I say, NOTHING else could challenge my very sense of existence, my values, and what I stand for, like the process I have been going through here! But I kept checking in with my Soul who got me into this mess to begin with and it says, “perfect, continue, stay the course.” See, my soul likes Grit. She’s all about it. Despite everything in my human self screaming to stop this madness and return to a hands on practice where I can actually feel a response to my intentions and everyone benefits at the end of the day! So what has staying the course provided?
Essentially I have learned to trust on a much deeper level that Grit is not optional. Neither is risk, uncertainty, and the potential of losing everything along the way. As well as keeping close company with the doubts, fears, isolation and inadequacies that are constant travel companions to going out beyond the edge of ones comfort zone. I know- who wants to hear that? Not exactly the sexy, popular law of attraction sort of message. And I’m sure at this point, I’m really blowing out any pictures you might have had of Ajaya living in Maui? At long last arriving to the land of plenty, where God exhales rainbows and the birds sing in syncopation, celebrating my every heart beat…
Oh yes, the grace of this is present as well… Quite.
But how I work with the Grit seems to open the way for Grace to enter more fully. Gratefully Love is the bridge between everything, including the techno-sphere.
The hard, coarse sand paper variety of Grit seems to be less needed as I have surrendered deeper, opened wider and found where I can give and receive more. It’s a bit like learning how to breathe under water actually- that kind of surrender. Just when you think that’s it, you can’t possibly take anymore, no more fight left and sinking to the bottom seems like a welcome relief. Once on the bottom, humbled, broken, lost without a compass- the next breath of life giving Grace comes with more verve then ever before. I could give a million examples of how these two; Grace and Grit have danced cheek to cheek within the every second of my every day. I’ve come to expect it now. I’ve come to welcome it, dare I say. I have even come to recognize these points on the dial of my compass, as expressions of Divine winks, providing a holding ground for the perfect, most personal evolution to occur.
I think one of the biggest illusions of our collective mind- is that somehow we can have Grace without Grit. Light without shadow, Love without Pain.
Wholeness if that’s what you value- by its very nature includes, ALL. In this ongoing awakening revelation of the ALL – of course there is the point where Shadow and Light, Grace and Grit, Love and Pain and any other Holy Pair dissolve into ONE. This is the awakening. The very crucible where our maturation or ripening process takes place, that gives birth to our divine adulthood. There is no, other. The heart is the sacred cauldron, where this tempering dance of the Holy Pairs takes place. By being willing to feel it all, we exercise our heart muscles, expanding and contracting into a wider sphere and scope of just how big and unknowable, what we call, reality is. In this way, we discover again and again that Love is the bridge, the way shower that reveals who we are and what we are truly made for.
So once again, I bow with profound awe at how my soul chooses to ride the life delivery system into and through the crazy wild rapids, out beyond ego’s comfort zones. To be delivered once again into the still pools of wonder, where a deeper clarity of wholeness can be embodied. A deeper compassion and unification emerges by virtue of the connection my heart just forged through my own suffering. The process does demand everything, of course. And that is the point. Its quite practical really- everything gets used. And just think, the Divine is orchestrating your version right now, what is it like for you?
Oh, and look how I have been gifted! Look who slid in on one of those rainbows just to seal the