It can feel as if we have no control over what emotions come or go in reaction to our relationship to getting or not getting what we want.



Yep— that’s what I said and I invite you to pause and check this out with me. EMOTIONS— arise as a reaction in relationship to getting or not getting what one wants.



In very simple terms, of course we all prefer to have what we want and the relative ensuing “positive”emotions of happiness, joy, freedom or fulfillment that follow.



As opposed to the relative “negative” emotions of frustration, disappointment, anger, sadness or fear. We do not fundamentally have control over this — but we can cultivate being at choice— meaning we allow our reactions to be the dharma bell that rings as an invitation or guide from beyond to take us deeper into what I call, “alchemical intimacy”.



The realm of FEELING presence.



The realm of allowing our experience to simply be here as an intelligent stream of inner guidance. A breathing into what is here with an intimate embracing awareness that is bigger and more encompassing than our held breath and constricted diaphragms that attempt to push away what is unwanted or chase after what is wanted.



To enter into this realm, the entrance fee is honesty.



First we must do the often uncomfortable work of getting honest— speaking the truth in the moment to what is here. If we can expose this to ourselves or to another and at the same time not over overly fixate or attach to our position— but simply allow an honest moment of giving into what is actually present in our experience. This begins to open into another, much wider room of possibilities.



First comes the courage to say, “I’m scared” (for example). Often before we can recognize this simple flavor— we are caught in the spin of all of the complex story line about the fear. The torturous meaning making we can get so sticky with. So first just catching yourself in the spin. You can even acknowledge— “I’m spinning or I’m lost” and turn towards this place and allow it to become a place of prayer. “God- creator—beloved Life— Help me, to feel, to be here. To cut through all of this narrative that is uprooting me from my ground of Presence. “Help me let go and ‘stop’ the run away train of the ‘why’s or ‘what’s it means about ‘me’.”



Just simply, “I’m scared”. Allowing the gripping sensation of fear, the scent of fear, the flavor of fear as a sensate experience that can simply be perceived by the heart and thus metabolized.



Being at choice in relation to your moment is an allowing or a permission from your deep heart to simply have your experience with kindness, dignity and respect.



Fear is not an indication of flaw or failure, nor impending disaster. It is often a hearkening or invitation to wakefulness— to paying attention to what matters most to you. In intimate quality of listening at the bonfire of your hearts aliveness.



A permission slip from Life. Inviting you to allow yourself to stop, to be still, to not know. A different kind of availability to engage with Life becomes clear— not as a reaction, but as a response.



True freedom lays in our capacity to pause between stimulus and response and thus to lean towards, however slight it may be, on the side of our core values, rather than the trance of our habituated reactions.



Our core values— what do you really want for yourself? For others? For the planet?



What I have learned about myself here is that I never get what I want when I follow my reactivity. I can never ‘make things happen’ by pushing or withholding. In fact, following my reactions pretty much guarantees failure. This can be a super safe place to play in Life. No judgement. I have done my time and have been schooled here.



After a while, I inevitably got REALLY REALLY BORED. Bored of my same stale complaints, my same predictable prayers, my same frustrations with my same creations. Bored of how much space is being taken up by the complexity of mind that spins from one reactive emotion to the next. Bored of all of my sophisticated processes and narratives that gave me a swinging identity of righteousness to deficiency and a round and a round, again.



Bored with the fascination of always trying to get to the root of something to finally be able to abort it.



Bored as in— completely seeing through all of this reactive dust storm as an avoidance of intimacy with the gift of this moment and my capacity to leans towards the aliveness of what I want from my heart.



Bored as in DONE.



Boredom has now become a Holy place. A dharma bell to stop, to be still, to not know and to listen. Further still, to inquire—can I be innovative in this moment? Can I open to something new?



I find that when I respond to the guidance that emerges from here— there is a completely different relationship to what we could call, “manifestation” as the out-picturing of what I am attracting in my Life.



I have never spoken about this publicly, but I feel called to now. I have experienced many times, that when I allow the new– the not been done before–the space for the emergence that can only arise out of ‘not knowing’– the space where all binary polarities dissolve that this exquisite quality of  ‘feeding the holy in life’ arises. Right on the spot, as if invisible hummingbirds, angels and elemental deva’s come to drink from the nectar of my hearts innovation. As if the Universe is acknowledging — “oh, this has never been done under the sun before!” Bravo!



In those moments, I am accompanied by an infinite field of awareness which are the summation of the vast sustaining forces of Life Itself.



All my own private torture chambers of separation and isolation dissolve and are metabolized by this greater holding ground of Love. ( Not to mention that the reptilian survival brain also gets an upgrade as we makes these new choices form the higher/newer brain center. )


My emotional reactions become redeemed here as the fuel that was needed to feed this alchemical fire of a greater intimacy than my separate self could of ever imagined.


Try it for yourself— the next time you find yourself in some old, stale, boring, habituated reaction.




Give yourself this quality of an inner intimate embrace instead:


Get honest about what you are feeling.


Name it.


Choose not to know what it means about you or anyone or anything else.




Open to your experience from the alchemical presence of your Heart.


Open wider, still.


Feel some more.


Allow a listening, curious embrace.




Receive the blessing of what is being revealed.


Only if you want to!


Follow…. Only if you want to!


Often how we are prompted to move, to act or not act upon something—from here, might feel risky initially, scary or provocative to our old habits of safety. And yet— you can’t help but notice, there is no tension to it. Just the simple intimacy of your life force flowing through you.



The undeniable presence and aliveness of who you are. If you choose to follow your guidance, Grace will be in your wake. This is the new and ancient power on this planet.

** Let me know if you also have this experience as well of these invisible hummingbirds, angels and devas that come as emissaries to drink and feed the Holy of Life in your innovative moments:)

Thank you for receiving this transmission from my heart and life experience.

Infinite Blessings to you!