The kiss we have always wanted
The revelation of Being Here while residing in a human body is infinite. The dimensions and textures of ‘here’ only seem to expand with each breath and deepen with each day. Every moment of being alive is truly a miracle: An opportunity to open and receive the blessing of discovering the most intimate relationship we will ever have.
But unfortunately for most of us, no one told us this. No one could show us how to receive and celebrate the blessing of being truly alive. Rather, most of us inherited the DNA that carries the tragic cultural narrative: life is just something you are here to suffer, conquer and survive.
If you’re lucky.
Add to that the fact that developmental trauma is a given for most of us, by virtue of where we are in evolution. No matter which way this narrative has played out in your personal, cultural and ancestral story line; the crux of it lands in each of as an unconscious core wound of separation from the Source of who we are. When our native innocence is not met, seen or affirmed in early life, a core misperception of our true identity ensues. So begins the archetypal journey of seeking for the sweet kiss of remembrance in the display of the world.
For myself, this open, available space of trust in simply Being Here and experiencing Life, God and myself as synonymous did not occur by chance or luck; no, I asked for this, I prayed for this. I bled, sweat and wailed silent screams in the dark night of my soul for this. I sat vigilantly at the altar of my own demise for decades.
Underneath and all along, of course, I was being delivered into the conscious discovery and safe passage of my own secret channel home. How could the holy nectars of a deeper destiny not carry me? Inexplicably, though, I had to give up everything for this. I had to find the place inside that wanted ‘this’ more than anything else, over and over again.
Perhaps ‘This’ wanted me too.
Perhaps ‘this’ has been stalking each of us since the beginning of time. Perhaps, ‘this’ is the inevitable destiny for each of us to discover and map within our own sacred inner grounds. Mystics and inner terrain journeyers of many traditions call ‘this’ the Ineffable Truth with a capital T. Tantrikas and Taoists refer to ‘this’ as Holy Love or the Tao. Others know it as Awakening to True Nature. Whatever name you come to call the ‘ineffable it’, turning towards this most intimate presence, rather than away is a journey of courage, commitment and surrender. It takes courage to allow this all-consuming presence of love to be one’s undoing, unbecoming, and unlearning, and to willingly set down the facades of whomever you have taken yourself to be.
Especially in a world premeditated by illusion and the glamour’s that enforce the insidious view that ‘success’ as a human being is attained by the few shallow images of achievement, money and status. Accessible only to those who follow along with what the marketing teams in high-rise buildings, sitting around square tables drinking coffee and smoking cigarettes decide.
To carve out your own path and follow the lines of destiny written upon your own heart is the only true success that will fulfill. Ultimately, it’s a journey of surrendering into the embrace of your unconditioned soul. Loving all the scars, traumas, failures, triumphs and perfect imperfections is the way here. This is how you come home to the recognition of your original, holy, innocent Face.
Taking this face into your two human hands and with tenderness, dignity and respect giving yourself the kiss that you have always wanted, is the only resolution to the endless perceptions of dissatisfaction, scarcity and lack. In this kiss is the re-calibration of the survival DNA that each of us inherited from the lineages of trauma and ignorance of our true nature that have seeded this planet.
Recognizing and staying true to the honor of this face within the many mirrors of the labyrinth of one’s ancestry, culture and conditioning is the holy quest of a human life.
In this kiss is the reclamation of all divisions. ‘You’ are experienced as the inimitable meeting point of what the Sufi’s call the Lover and the Beloved. Where the Grace of God IS. The seeker and the sought recognized as one intelligence. Waking up here is what sustains the essential dignity, power and freedom to live out your most unique, priceless and daring human expression, sourced from the confidence of Being.
It is our most fundamental birthright to live as this open, natural innocence and confidence of Being; innately we belong to the earth, stars and everything in-between.
Yet anyone sincerely on the path knows that it takes guts and grit. It takes the ongoing flexing of the heart muscles (feeling) to come down out of your head and to still your own mind and trembling emotions just long enough to become a target to receive the blessing of who and what you truly are. To actually inhabit one’s own space, and to steward your inner and outer terrain with care, deep listening and tenacity is the assignment each of us receives upon entry into this world.
I will call this living your awakening for simplicity for now. The beauty of this design is that it never ends. We do not finally arrive to the place called, ‘awake’ or ‘embodied’ and there is no longer an, ‘ask’ from Life for your ongoing engagement. No – it seems that this is just the groundwork for a stable foundation.
Once we are here and have sufficiently landed our spirit down into the holy flesh and bones of our human experience, real life begins. The life of this present moment is then not only here to be experienced: we also get to participate, contribute and respond with more and more agency. We get to discover how to wield the gentle art of stewarding a genuine life. We are not just here to merely survive the awakening process; we also inherited a deeper potential from the wisdom miracle of our origins and that is to thrive. Being of service and benefiting the whole that we now recognize we are intrinsically one with becomes the primary motive.
The kiss that we have always wanted becomes the kiss that we are now able to give. Not the overriding, spiritual bypass, ‘make nicety nice, hide & seek, appease and kiss ass kiss’ – but the kiss of integrity that lands and reverberates as a benediction, a prayer and confirmation of the real.
No matter what fates we have been given; inherent in our birth is the opportunity of a lifetime, to receive, allow and evolve the mystery of being human by being Love itself.
By Ajaya Sommers 2020